1. |
Remember It Now
02:50
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Overnight to the mouth of the canyon
Tapping your shoulder as the new sun breaks
I lose my breath at the view where we’re standing
I’m fearing this fleeting moment might fade
We spent the weekend sleeping outside of Walmarts
Parking your car as my seat leans back
You tap my shoulder and pull up your Carhart
Look out the window and let out a laugh
I can’t remember the names of those towns
Or any freeways we drove to get down
But I was happy, and that’s how I remember it now
Signed the lease for our tiny apartment
I say tiny but it was just what I wanted
Fashioned furniture out of the cardboard
We used to move from our old place in Hartland
Through the wall I can hear you start crying
It’s my fault and I’m too scared to speak
Tell me to talk and I spend the night trying
You kept me calm till we both fell asleep
I can’t remember why I acted so proud
But you forgave me and gave me new ground
I felt insane and ashamed and knocked down
Well you deserved better and that’s how I remember it now
We found new love in our tiny apartment
I say new but it was still you I wanted
You made me laugh when we danced on the carpet
And we both cried through the tough times and darkness
And I felt light after a slight breaking down
You’ve gotten used to me hanging around
I’m getting used to the way my voice sounds
You made me better, and that’s how I remember it now
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2. |
Weight Of The World
02:07
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I'm so anxiety-ridden
Washing yesterday's dishes
And cringing about something I said
At a party in December
To a friend of a friend
Who probably can't even remember we met
When the dishes are finished
I get coffee in the kitchen
And I think about calling you back
And I envision at dinner
Conversation gets thinner
And you end up just calling a cab
I feel the weight of the world
But the world doesn't feel me at all
I feel the weight of the world
So I'll try to get distant
Forget you ever existed
Wind up thinking about you even more
And when I'm tired and finished
Contemplating your existence
I'll be knocking at your front door
I feel the weight of the world
But the world doesn't feel me at all
I feel the weight of the world
If there's change I'm resistant
Can't quit talking and listen
Always waiting for the worst days
I'm so anxiety ridden
It's a miracle you didn't
Give up on me right away
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3. |
Annie In The Wild
02:14
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If you see Annie in the wild
Don’t say I’m grieving
Tell her I’m moving right along
Meeting new people
And if she wonders where I’ve been
Say something harmless
She can’t know I’m hardly leaving my apartment
And I can’t stay sad forever
But it feels good to do it right now
If she asks I’ve never been better
I just can’t see Annie around
In the 3 months since we split
I've regained feeling
Just enough so I could bare the thought of breathing
And it looks easier for her
And hurts to see it
but we both lost something
we both thought that we needed
And I can’t stay sad forever
But it feels good to do it right now
If she asks I’ve never been better
I just can’t see Annie around
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4. |
Elon
02:37
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If we are in a simulation
I hope I never make it out
I’ll rid my head of expectations
They’ll keep my body underground
When there’s no matter rearranging
What does it matter anymore?
When there’s no reason left to fake it
Will I still see you in the morning?
I feel the pulse of all the zeros and ones
And the sun still sets, and the car still runs
I feel the warmth when the summer months come
And my head forgets and my body goes numb
Will I still feel your importance?
Can I still see you in the morning?
Can I still feel your importance?
Will I still see you in the morning?
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5. |
Julie In July
01:10
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Julie in July
Oh my god
Dreaming of the way she walked away
And then she stayed in my mind
Somewhere in the midst of thoughts of you and I
I see Julie in July
Julie in July
A nice thought
In another lifetime
She is mine and I am hers and so on
I will set the table
She will grab the take out
From anywhere is fine
As long as I’m with Julie in July
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6. |
Song About
03:39
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This is a song about how long it takes to get over an ex
It's a song about a song about sex
This is a song about my neighbor who has hundreds of friends
And throws parties more than anyone that I've ever met
These are some lines about the times I was severely depressed
Kept the same clothes on
I never got out of bed
This is the part about how hard it was to get out of my head
Start letting things out instead of holding them in
This is me recalling all the long distance calls
When we were falling in love
But you were living abroad
Sometimes I find myself searching for space
Until I remember how lonely I was in those days
This is a song about you and me
And everything else that falls in between
This is a song about you and me
This is a song where I go back to a time long gone
I get another chance to fix words that came out wrong
But when I finish I go back to right now
And the people I love are nowhere to be found
So I unfix all the moments I fixed
I get a new appreciation for the good stuff I missed
This is a song about you and me
And weddings
And funerals
And time traveling
This is a song about you and me
This is a verse about expecting the worst
Knowing nothing stays gold
But still knowing your worth
This is a bit about the way that it feels
To be lost in the thought that you'll lose something real
This is a song about letting go
About letting you down and then losing control
About saying I'm sorry before it's too late
And forgiving your friends and the people you hate
This is a song about you and me
About making the choice to say what you mean
And everything else that falls in between
This is a song about you and me
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7. |
Move You
02:59
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can't hate you
But I want to
Every minute of every day
And I can't love you
'Cause if I love you
You'll keep fucking with my head
And I can't bear to live that way
And if I don't do
What I want to
You'll take every piece of me
Until there's nothing left worth leaving
But I can't hate you
'Cause I can't lose you
And you will break me
But I won't move you
I can't move you
Can I call you
For some closure
When it's over
And our hearts have changed
I won't fault you
When we're older
You were stuck in something deeper
And I knew you were in pain
I need to know you
And feel you closer
There is light in you
I see it
Even if no one else believes it
I can't hate you
'Cause I can't lose you
And you will break me
But I won't move you
I can't move you
I can't hate you
But I want to
All we've been through
And I'll never move you
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8. |
Iris
02:49
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Iris
I'll keep my eyelids open wide if
You let me live inside your lightness
And let me see all that I might miss
I wish
That you were here in my apartment
That you would need me still regardless
Then you and I could finally commit
I've been
Wondering why I cannot fight this
Staying down and feeling lifeless
Hanging on to problems only I can fix
Iris
I'll quit
Shifting blame for my unhappiness
I was ashamed and you caught onto it
We're not the same and we will never fit
Divided
Wondering why I cannot right this
Taking sides and keeping quiet
Try to remember me the way I've always been
Iris
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9. |
Hard Love
02:45
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Looking back I felt a false sense of safety
Almost as if we weren't hanging by a thread
Looking back I thought that loving you was easy
Looking back into the back of my head
I saw a fire floating out of your eyes
I saw our love before you willed it to die
I saw the water in the river had dried up
And now I know what I didn't know then
That it's a hard love
a hard love
It's a hard love to be in
A hard love
Hard Love
It's a hard love to be in
It's hard to handle how you see me as a stranger
A couple months and you'd forgotten where we'd been
Maybe down the road you'll call and we'll exchange words
Maybe down that road I'll understand when
I saw fire floating out of your eyes
I saw our love before you willed it to die
I saw the water in the river had dried up
And now I know what I didn't know then
That it's a hard love
a hard love
It's a hard love to be in
A hard love
Hard Love
It's a hard love to be in
Some days I wonder if a part of you might need me
A selfish thought that keeps me hanging by a thread
Still I tell myself that love is never easy
And push the bad days to the back of my head
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10. |
Black Hole
03:53
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I apologize
For how I acted when we last spoke
I was a black hole
And I held everything in
But now I realize
The world won't stop just 'cause I act broken
If anything it moves in fast motion
So I've started breathing again
I lied a thousand times
Both to myself and to the ones I love
Thought I'd believe what I repeated enough
But that's not how it works
I took the wrong advice
Tried moving on before I said my goodbyes
How do you move on when a part of you dies?
You learn to breathe when it hurts
I apologize
I let the flames turn into black smoke
I sucked it in just like a black hole
That only made things worse
I just need to be alright
But I'm drowning in the pain the past holds
It's hard to see beyond the ash flow
And breathe when it hurts
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11. |
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There are songs in our lungs
There are words in the walls
There are secrets on our lips
That were buried with our love
There are shadows in the sun
There is cold in the coming months
There is light beneath the boards
Still breaking with the weight of us
Is there comfort in the thought
If we don't admit what's lost
If we just forget the cause
Of everything that became of us
Was it written in the dust
Was there more than I could trust
Was there something all along
Saying we were better off
There are songs in our lungs
There are words in the walls
There are secrets on our lips
That were buried with our love
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Jeff Pianki Los Angeles, California
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